


5 Times Kravitz was confronted with the fact that his boyfriend is a package deal

by BadassIndustries



Series: Stories from the Adventure Zone Family [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Barry and Kravitz Friendship, Barry and Lup are the most in love, Canon Compliant, Don't copy to another site, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humour, Gen, Kravitz learns to get along with his sister in law, M/M, The Adventure Zone: Balance, The Twins are a package deal and the men wanting to date them just have to deal with that, no real conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-01-25 00:16:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21347143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadassIndustries/pseuds/BadassIndustries
Summary: Taako and Lup are a package deal. This takes some getting used to for Kravitz, who initially didn't sign up fortwodramatic elves invading his kitchen. It all turns out alright anyway.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Lup (The Adventure Zone), Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Series: Stories from the Adventure Zone Family [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1529723
Comments: 78
Kudos: 214





	1. Taako Time

**Author's Note:**

> All five short chapters of this have been written, I will probably want to expand them a little bit but it shouldn't be too long a wait.  
Was this an excuse to write more family cuddles? Yes, yes it was.

Kravitz sits in his office looking despairingly at the piles of papers. If only everything was as easily organised as his book of bounties. The closest pile contains brochures, sheet music, letters and at least one recipe. He sighs. He should really start at least organising the letters. He might live alone, but the mess is starting to bother even him. Suddenly he feels a disturbance. There's someone in his apartment. A loud call of "Hey Babes!" reverberates through his apartment. Kravitz relaxes, lets the skull fade away again. If you told him a hundred years ago that the presence of a lich in his home would make him relax, he would have collared you for being part of a weird death cult. Both for thinking a lich might be good and because followers of weird death cults were the only mortals he spoke with back then. His life has really improved in recent years. He takes a moment to smooth down his suit before he walks out to greet his boyfriend’s sister.

"Hello Lup. I'm sorry, but Taako isn't here to see you right now."

He hates how formal he’s being, but Lup is very different from Taako. She’s also an incredibly powerful lich and those kinda make him uncomfortable. And she threatened to kill him, of course. Not that he can be killed, but the threat still stands.  
Lup stands in the middle of his living room, appearing with nicely braided hair and wearing a silk crème outfit that Taako would call underdressed. She doesn’t look like a lich at all. Kravitz isn’t sure whether that is reassuring or not. Lup heaves a dramatic sigh and tries to peer past him into the office.

"Look skelle-boy, it's twin time. Says so right there on the calendar. Lup's Taako Time."

She points dramatically towards the calendar, which was a failing attempt to bring order to a life lived on several planes and disparate times. The day planner definitely did not include anything like “Taako Time”. Its express purpose was to stop Taako from ruining any attempt of planning by saying it was Taako Time.

"I apologise,” Kravitz says stiffly, “but it says, and I quote: Appt w/ Lucas about some nerd shit." He’s not quite sure why she’s here. Taako doesn’t actually live here. Sure, he might be here a lot, leaving boots on the floor and jewellery in the bed, but he still doesn’t live here.

Lup narrows her eyes and the calendar curls up in flames. She takes a threatening step closer, floating to be the same height.

"It. Said. Taako. Time."

She's so close her forehead is nearly pressed to Kravitz's. Kravitz will absolutely not take a step back, he will not yield, he has faced liches far more terrible than his boyfriend's sister. At that moment, the elf himself waltzes in, pockets jingling with expensive sounds.

"Hey Babe. Oh hey Lup," he calls out, ignoring the tense tableau to move past them to the kitchen. "I am commandeering this kitchen, losers. Nerd boy had the nerve to say my goulash was too salty so he's dead to me and also I gotta show him how ding dong wrong he is. Feel free to keep doing that weird staring thing you've got going on, Taako's good out here."

Lup takes a step back, but flashes an unnerving smile at Kravitz in warning, lest he takes this as a sign of weakness.

"I was just gonna visit my little nerd brother, but Krav-Krav here apparently has a problem with that," she says, dangerously cheerful.

"I do not, I just—" before Kravitz can find the correct words to explain the situation, Taako's already cut him off. 

"Nah, he's just used to living alone and like never has guests over also, he’s like super intimidated by your badassness. It’s a thing, he’s a nerd, what can ya do?” Taako says airily. Kravitz grasps onto that gratefully. He’s really not used to people invading his space, but he wants Lup to feel welcome here. She’s important to Taako, so she’s important to him.

"It's just, I would have appreciated a warning. Of course you're welcome, Lup."

"Well here's your warning, death man. Taako and I, we're a package deal and you can't change that. And also I'm staying and there ain't nothing you can do about it."  
“I know,” says Kravitz as calmly and sincerely as he can.

"Yeah, that's great Lulu," says Taako airily, staring intently at the pot. "Now stop with the sappy shit, come here and give me your opinion on this flavour palate you can’t taste."

The twins start bickering about which one of them has terrible opinions and the tension in the air deflates palpably. Kravitz feels like he just narrowly escaped something. He looks around his apartment. It used to be sleek and organised, the mess contained to his office. Now there's cookware strewn around, several garishly bright capes and cloaks hanging by the door. It's full of messy, unorganised life now. The worst offender is Taako's throne. He got it in Fantasy Costco and insisted it needed to clutter up Kravitz's living room instead of his own apartment. It's Taako's favourite place to slump dramatically whenever something displeases him. It was an expensive thing, heavy with gold and encrusted with jewels. It's hideous. Kravitz thinks to himself that those two facts combined probably mean no one has bought the other half of the set. If he'd move his couch to the other wall, there'd be space for a second throne, placed in optimum position to catch the sunlight from the enchanted windows. He makes a note, mental now the day planner has burned to a crisp, to go pick it up tomorrow. He wants Lup to feel welcomed here. 

  
Later, when he's being crushed on the couch while Lup and Taako kick at each other like children, eating a delicious goulash that no one could possibly call oversalted, he thinks he can deal with his apartment being overrun by aggressive elves, if this is the result.


	2. Twin Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz' plans for his free evening get ruined by more Twin Time. Kravitz finds an ally in the other guy who has to constantly put up with the Twin's shenanigans.

From that first moment, the floodgates opened. Instead of one elf barging in at all hours, he had two. And their friends. And their dogs. Kravitz’ apartment had never been so full. Or so crowded. The first time the entire IPRE crew had taken over his apartment, he felt as if he might burst, just from the sheer life happening around him. He had to lock himself up in his office for a while, because Magnus and Lup had started some sort of strength contest and Merle had forced everyone to speak only truths and it was all so much in one small apartment. Luckily, the entire crew didn’t come by too often. Lup was still Kravitz’ most frequent visitor, often pulling Barry by the sleeve with a noncorporeal hand. Taako is there more often of course, but Taako isn't really a guest. Taako belongs in Kravitz' home. Evidently Taako agreed, because before he knew it they had moved into a house in Neverwinter together. Kravitz still isn’t quite sure how that happened, but he is very glad it did. Lup, in her new body, is a fixture in their brand new, state of the art kitchen. The room she uses isn’t even the guestroom anymore. Now there’s Lup’s room and The Guestroom which isn’t Angus’ room. It’s good. Kravitz has a team of reapers now, he doesn’t have to work alone if he doesn’t want to. Lup and Barry are terrifyingly effective at outsmarting necromancers. Kravitz tries very hard not to think about how exactly they got so knowledgeable in the ways of necromancy. If he did, he might have to forbid them from continuing their research and that would probably make their team much less efficient and he likes their efficiency. They’re good reapers, good enough Kravitz can forgive them for staring at each-other sappily over the soulless husks of their defeated bounties. Luckily, they keep it clean around him, only flirting. Taako says they used to be much worse back in the day and that he should be happy they don’t sneak off to stare into eachothers eyes for hours at a time. Maybe they do when they are on mission together without him. Kravitz wouldn’t blame them. A lot of the job is waiting around for crimes to be committed, to catch death criminals in the act. It gets boring. If he could have Taako there at stakeouts, he’d pass the time like that too. As long as they catch the cultists, it’s fine. The best thing is that they can now work in shifts and that for the first time in his undead life Kravitz can have _actual days off_.

Today is an even more miraculous occurrence. The Raven Queen has given all of her reapers an evening off. All of them are free, barring emergencies of cataclysmic proportions, and they are gratefully making use of it. Kravitz was planning some quality time with his boyfriend, now he can be reasonably sure he won’t get called away. He was going to ask Taako to teach him a simple recipe and then see where the night takes them. That plan quickly got changed when Lup had barged in a few minutes ago and declared it Twin Time. She had pushed Barry in Kravitz’ direction and commanded them to "do some kinda nerd shit while the geniuses create dinner". Now Barry and Kravitz are staring at each other awkwardly. They don’t spend a lot of time together without their partners. Technically, Kravitz might be Barry’s boss. It’s a strange situation. The silence lingers, until Kravitz remembers that in the story the whole universe heard, Barry played the piano. Leaving Taako and Lup to their cooking, which is already getting affectionately violent, he silently motions Barry to his office, a room that he has always kept private. The look in Barry's eyes when he sees the gleaming grand piano is enough to let Kravitz know he chose well.

Barry sits down and it suddenly looks like he’s inches taller. He’s sitting upright, back straight, in textbook perfect posture. Kravitz wonders what music teacher finally made him stop hunching in on himself. Faltering, but getting more certain every moment, Barry plays some scales and moves into snatches of melodies.

“So, uhm, Kravitz,” Barry says after a while, not looking away from the keys. “Lup’s great, isn’t she? She’s great but also, she’s Lup. And they’re Lup and Taako.”

Kravitz hums noncommittally, not seeing where Barry is going with this. Barry starts in on a more complicated melody. “I don’t know what Taako told you, but for the longest time, all Lup and Taako had was each other. Considering that, it’s not surprising they’re so inseparable. And Taako was actually surprisingly nice, when he found out, you know, that I had feelings for Lup. Said some sweet stuff he’d kill me for telling you.”

Kravitz really wants to ask, but Barry is probably right. Taako doesn’t like people to talk about what a sweet person he can be. Messes with his image, he says.

“But Lup, she’s more protective of their time. You know they used to share quarters?”

“I am well aware I should not try to interrupt twin time,” Kravitz assures him, “I’ve learned to let Lup do what she likes, that seems to work well for me.”

“Yeah,” agrees Barry with a besotted smile on his face. “She’s a force of nature, isn’t she.”

He stops playing. “Still, we’re not entirely powerless. It wouldn’t be good for either of them to get their way too easily all the time, wouldn’t it?”

He looks up with an almost mischievous grin. Kravitz knows Barry’s unassuming exterior is just a ruse, but still it surprises him whenever Barry does the hidden depth thing.

“What are you suggesting?” he asks warily.

“You can’t let her walk all over you all the time. I’d uh, like to help you.” Barry says with a gleam in his eyes that looks kind of terrifying.

Kravitz narrows his eyes suspiciously.

“So you want me to believe you’d side with me against your wife? You’d invoke the wrath of Lup out of what, solidarity?”

Barry smiles with a sharpness that seems straight out of the Taaco book. Barry lived with Taako and Lup for a hundred years. He must have picked up some of their mercenary talent as well. Kravitz groans.

“Alright fine, what’s your price?”

“Maybe I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart, bud. Or maybe I owe Lup some payback. But if you were to forget to destroy those necromantic tomes we confiscated last week, I’d certainly appreciate it…”

Kravitz sighs and nods.

“Fine, they’re yours. But only for _purely theoretical study_. Now, please enlighten me, how are we going to give Lup some well-deserved payback for monopolising my boyfriend on my one certified free evening this month without even warning us first?”

“Pleasure doing business with you,” says Barry pleasantly, as if no extortion has happened at all. “As for how,” he continues, ”I know her weaknesses.”

Grinning, Barry launches into a gorgeous piece of flowing, yearning music. Kravitz has never heard anything like it. The door slams open violently and Lup stalks in without any of her usual composure.

“Barold,” she says in a strange voice. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t do that. Not cool my dude, unprovoked attack!”

She grabs Barry by the waist and drags him away, face flushed. Taako appears behind her, laughing uncontrollably. Kravitz raises an eyebrow at him in question. Taako pulls him in close with a warm hand on his neck. "He writes her love sonatas,” he whispers in Kravitz’ ear. “It's so sappy and gross and _she cannot deal._" Taako might be trying to hide it, but the love is audible in his voice. Kravitz smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz and Barry ought to be friends. They have so much in common. Music, loving an outrageous elf, being a skeleton a large amount of the time...
> 
> Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought!  
Thank you for reading!


	3. Coffee Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz' little family have a quiet morning after a mission.

It's morning. It's morning and far too early and Kravitz doesn’t actually need to eat to survive but he _needs_ coffee. He silently sits in the corner blearily watching the coffee brew. This chair is placed next to the coffeemaker for exactly this purpose. Just so he can sit and stare at the coffeemaker until it spits out coffee. Now he sleeps regularly again, Kravitz has discovered he absolutely does not like mornings. Especially not mornings that come after a thoroughly exhausting day where he had to fight unspeakably gross things in front of his boyfriend. And his boyfriend’s sister. And her husband. When he’s stopped being so exhausted, he’s going to the Raven Queen specifically to request stricter punishments for last night’s bounty. It should be a new rule that anyone who summons poisonous toxic sludge to fight Her Majesty’s reapers gets an eternity in the stockade purely on that offense alone, never mind the weird and confusing attempts at necromancy and mind control. Kravitz never wants to wear that particular suit again and he _liked_ that outfit. He spent a long time designing the subtle weave of the fabric and the detailing on the collar. Sure, he could just recreate it again without all the unspeakable leftovers defeated slime on it, but he would still know what it felt like to wear it while covered in vanquished sludge. The memory of it is ruined too, the final explosion was that disgusting. Taako had blinked away in time to avoid the worst of it, but Lup had to burn her boots and she had been eyeing Barry’s stained jeans with clear arsonist intent too. Thank the Raven Queen Taako’s outfit wasn’t ruined, or they would never have heard the end of it. He was only there to consult, since the suspect was an accomplished transmutation mage. It was supposed to be a small bounty, not too dangerous. At best a warning, at worst a quick arrest. The kind of thing where you can invite your boyfriend to come and see you fight. Not the sort of mission where you have to call in your boyfriend’s family to help you end the guy.

In the end, they were all exhausted, drained of all energy and magic. The four of them had stumbled into Kravitz’ and Taako’s home and vowed not to leave it for a good long while. Thank god Taako insisted on having multiple bathrooms in their new house, something Kravitz had thought rather excessive when they were still searching. But he was absolutely right. The multiple bathrooms and guestrooms were an absolute necessity for their lifestyle. As is their oversized, reinforced dinner table.

At the table, Barry is reading the newspaper. Or trying to, since Taako is digging his chin in Barry's shoulder, slumped over him and softly moaning about cruel sunlight. Both have dark rings under their eyes. The fact that Taako’s are clearly visible speaks volumes of his exhaustion. Lup comes out of the guest room wearing Barry’s oversized clothes, looking tired but a lot peppier than anyone else. She looks around the room and immediately hangs over Barry's other side, arms around both of them. She hooks her chin over Barry's free shoulder to see the paper and protest whenever he turns a page. Barry seems complete unfazed, eating his toast without disturbing either of the hangers-on. It occurs to Kravitz that Barry has a century of experience dealing with Taako and Lup. He’s done this for a hundred years, learned their patterns of behaviour and their petty tricks. He protects his toast from Taako’s attempts to swipe it without looking, hands Lup a glass of juice while turning a page. Kravitz can't wait till he's known them enough to get such a routine. To know their tendencies well enough to be able to read the news and stop them from eating his toast in a obviously long perfected dance. But he's got all the time in the world, he'll get there. For now, he can bring them coffee and be hailed as their saviour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one this time, but I felt like this was a good place to end it. We're getting to that good cozy reaper family time now :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think and thanks for reading!


	4. Sleep-in Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz might not need sleep, but he definitely appreciates it

Ever since Taako worked his way into Kravitz’ life, Kravitz has started to spend a lot more time sleeping. He used to think sleep was something he had shed with all the other trappings of his mortal life, but he found that with enough incentive it was a habit picked up as easy as breathing. And it’s not just night’s asleep either. Taako might have the ability to meditate, but he has the desire to perfect sleeping into an art. Taako is an ardent proponent of naps, siesta’s and sleeping in and it seems he wants Kravitz there whenever possible. Kravitz has adapted, spending more mornings lounging in bed, waking up slowly with the sun in his face. He’s learned to appreciate those soft moments where he wakes up early, when he gets to look at Taako sleeping next to him and just bask in contentment. Taako is a heavy sleeper as well as a sleep cuddler and most of the time Kravitz wakes up too early, he can just hold Taako closer and go back to sleep again. It’s generally very pleasant, but this morning he’s awoken by a foul smell, far too close. He contemplates ignoring it in the hope it goes away because he feels wonderfully warm and cozy right now, but with the kind of life they lead that is rarely a wise decision. The moment he opens his eyes, a slender hand with brightly coloured nails is waved far too close to his eyes.

“Well good morning handsome, you took your time. Now tell me what you think of this purple.”

Regrettably, this is not the first time Taako has painted his nails in their bedroom. Taako has an overcluttered vanity in the bedroom, a cabinet full of makeup in the bathroom and boxes of the stuff in the walk-in closet. And yet Kravitz finds him surrounded by colourful bottles and boxes strewn all over the duvet at least once a month. He’s only broken an eyeshadow pallet on their pillows once and that was nothing a quick prestidigitation won’t fix, so Kravitz doesn’t really mind. It’s not like he never does his eyeliner sitting on the bed either. There’s more than enough mirrors in the house, it’s just that Taako’s side of the bed has the best view of Taako preening in front of his vanity. But nailpolish is another matter entirely. It’s such a persistent smell. Particularly when Kravitz really just wants to go to sleep again. Would Taako notice if he let his nose fade so he can sleep without smelling it? The hand is still outstretched in front of his eyes. Kravitz makes an approving noise, which will hopefully be enough to fulfil his boyfriendly duties. His eyes fall closed again. He could sleep for an hour more, at least.

“I still thinks it needs glitter,” says Taako from behind him. Kravitz tenses and quickly opens his eyes again. The purple nailed hand is still waving in front of his face. It’s also attached to someone who is absolutely not Taako. It’s Lup lounging next to his head, levitating several bottles of nail polish at the same time. She does not seem to think it’s strange at all to hang out on their bed in Taako’s emerald pyjama’s. Neither does Taako, who is calmly painting his own toenails to match his pyjama’s. Of course, they might have been Lup’s pyjamas originally. They both take great delight in going shopping together, denouncing each others choices as the ugliest effing things they've ever seen and then taking the earliest opportunity to steal and wear the offending article.

Kravitz lets his head hit the pillow again and turns around for good measure. “Purple looks nice,” he murmurs into his pillow. “Wake me when there’s breakfast.” He presses closer to Taako’s warm form and falls back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you have siblings for if you can't take over their comfy beds to hang out at odd hours?
> 
> Thank you all for your comments, they make me very happy!  
Thanks for reading!


	5. Cuddle Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's family cuddle time!

Giving Lup reaper powers was a mistake. Sure, it was the only way to keep her out of the eternal stockade and keep their family together, but still. A grave mistake. Because reapers can travel through rifts and Lup does not have the courtesy of say, her fellow reapers, of creating your rift outside people's bedrooms and knocking. No, she just tears a rift right on the foot of their bed and sails through.

She’s not really interrupting anything, they were just talking, Taako draped over Kravitz like a cat, lecturing about interplanar magic while unbuttoning and re-buttoning Kravitz' shirt. Still, it was quiet, the kind of night Kravitz would call domestic if Taako would allow such mundanity to dilute the Brand™. Not the kind of night where you expect your quasi-sister-in-law to appear without warning, looking particularly distressed. She’s wearing a fancy silk dress that's already getting crushed as she fidgets with it. It is free of blood, soot or other alarming substances, so the emergency is probably not that urgent, thank the Queen.

“What’s the matter, Lup?” Kravitz asks, since an explanation does not seem forthcoming

"He got me flowers!" Lup whines. "He found a way to recreate those little pink flowers from the planet with the thing!"

Taako nods understandingly, unfazed by his sister’s sudden appearance or her vague descriptions. He just lays his head back on Kravitz’ shoulder and raises one elegant eyebrow at Lup to convey his general willingness to listen to her explanation. She’s blushing heavily. Kravitz relaxes, heavily relieved. It must be a Barry problem then, not a real emergency. The last Barry emergency involved Barry bringing Lup one of Magnus’ new puppies to cuddle for an afternoon. Lup called Taako for the sole purpose of explaining in great detail why those concentrated levels of fluffiness and cuteness should not be allowed. Luckily, Taako’s students didn’t mind the interruption.

It’s a surprisingly regular thing. Even though they have been together for so many years, Lup still can't handle it when Barry does something sweet for her. Last Kravitz heard, they were just going out to dinner, to a fancy place Taako helped Barry pick. Kravitz guesses Barry had a secret weapon that was a little too effective, Lup got flustered and escaped to the first place she could think of. It’s kind of nice, that their place can be her escape. It still doesn’t explain why she’s pacing at the foot of their bed though. Taako doesn’t seem to think any actions need to be taken, he’s just calmly watching her bunch up her skirt in a way that Kravitz just knows is going to ruin the silk. Maybe Lup just needed an audience. Or some company until she can get the blushing under control. Kravitz looks down at Taako, who’s hiding a smile at Lup’s muttered ranting. She really does look kind of overwhelmed. Kravitz considers for a moment, then shifts and lifts the blanket with a carefully neutral expression. Immediately Lup crawls in and presses her face in Taako's shoulder, muttering about unfair husbands with nasty tricks. This also means she is half draped over Kravitz. With two elves pressing on his chest, Kravitz is very happy he doesn't actually need to breathe. Taako is consoling his sister and making fun of her in equal measure, petting her hair condescendingly. The blush still hasn't left her face.

Soon, someone will have to send a message to Barry. Kravitz would pity him for getting ditched, if he didn't know this is exactly the result Barry wanted. Well, maybe not Lup actually taking off, but reducing her to angry mutters about dumb romantic nerds is Barry's favourite pastime. And this will probably be the first place Barry looks. If they’re lucky, he’ll have brought dessert. No need to go look for their stones of far speech. They'll see him before long. For now, Kravitz's good in here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that concludes this story! But not to worry, I've got another Taako focused 5 times fic all written out, that I'll start posting next week. The working title is 5 Times Taako Commandeered Someone's Bed (While They're In It) and yes that is entirely just an excuse for me to write platonic cuddling.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [at badassindistress](https://badassindistress.tumblr.com/). Send me prompts if you like!
> 
> Thank you for following along with this story and as always I'd love to hear what you thought!  
Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> So there's the first chapter, I hope you liked it?  
If you did, please let me know!  
I'm also open to prompts of more comedic fluff of our favourite death family, so if there's something you want to see, please ask!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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